Parallel Path

Parallel: relating to two things that are comparible, because they are similar and share many characteristics

Path: A route along which something moves

Could I be said lady on a parallel path? Let's think this through. I guess some might consider me a lady, because I'm female and no longer a child, but I have never thought of myself in those terms. I was once a child, a girl, and then an adult. I guess woman suits me better than lady. But, I can be a somebodies lady, I'm flexible. The important issue here though is what path am I on? That will take some thought..

I've thought about the path I'm on, over several days, but I can't really put my finger on it.  I guess for many years my kids path seemed more important than mine, but then I realized that they would do, what they would do.  Their father, and I, maybe made mistakes along the way, and our divorce was difficult for them, I'm sure, but the kids have muddled through and are doing well. Both of them are great people that I am proud of.

My path now, however, veered away from them, and I struggled through a few years of working to prove I had what it took to be successfull in my own right.  I've switched things up, and things really are all about me right now, and all those who had been saying that anyway, are now speaking the truth.  Back to my path, though, and whether it os parallel to one of my new friend's.

I have been enlightened, regarding his path, and  it is sad, for me at least, that my path may not be parallel to his. If I were the person I wish I was, in a perfect world for me, I'd say that it might be possible.  Still, it might be way down the gravel road, out past town, and nearer paradise. The way it was explained to me, individuals on parallel paths might bump into one another now and then, and that would be totally acceptable, but would never become entwined.  So, another probable relationship takes a nose dive, and I think I recognize that desire to not become entwined.  It raised its ugly head once before, so I might just let this one go.

Was it Good for You Too?

The weekend went too damn quick, like they always do. You work all week and hope that the Saturday or Sunday, maybe, will bring you something new and exciting. Plans are never very concrete for me, unless someone else makes them. I had wanted to go for a drive around the big old lake I had spent my summers on as a child. My head is cram packed with vivid, colorful memories from those times, and I wanted to see what was better: my memories or the recollections I might have up close and personal.



And it wasn't just the lake that interested me. I'd be taking the trip with a guy I had seen previously. It's hard to say whether or not we had been on a "date," but I like to think we had. We had spoken on the phone and he did pick me up, at my sister's, and we went to dinner. But I can't help but think he thought of it as meeting an aquaintance. We had some history, but only some. That had went well, I thought, but I always think things go well. I'm overly optimistic, I think. The best is what is always in the back of my mind. Is it because of my head injury? Am I not thinking straight? Those are questions I struggle with from time to time.



I know that memory can be an issue after hitting your head way too hard, and I have experienced it. This head injured individual has always dealt with it, though, in terms of short term memory. For example, please don't ask me anything about a previous day's meal, and expect me to answer quickly, or for that matter, correctly! People tell me that those memory lapses have nothing to do with my head injury, but the difference is that I always default to that as the reason. In a way I am lucky to always have a reason, for my difficulties that is.

But the question remains: does my optimism have something to do with my head injury? Am I totally off base? I think that I might be an OK person, then I am reminded of what my charming ex-husband always told me. He said it's not always about you, and he was right. It's not always about me.

Friendly

My father had a tendancy to speak to strangers as if he had known them all his life, and that they were interested in his children's accomplishments. Once, while we were discussing just this attribute, he began defending himself and after some wells, and you sees he said he was simply... friendly! From that moment on, we called him Friendly, especially when recalling an instance when he had actually mentioned to someone in a hotel lobby that his daughter, in high school, had recently won five state championships. He loved his children, all six of us, and believed everyone else should too.

Knuckle Head

He calls everyone a knuckle head, and it's pretty cute. I hadn't heard that for lots of years, and it reminded me of something a coach might shout at the awkward little league centerfielder when he drops an easy pop fly. It's on my phone, in a message, and it's still cute. I catch myself listening to that phone message, left by that certain someone, again, and again. I am trying to decipher the real meaning, when just what was said, is just what was meant.



Do we play the same games with others' hearts, as we did as teenagers? Sometimes I think we do, but then I start to feel tired. Too tired to even put more effort into the question; more than I already have. At times like this I start to wonder, "Aren't we all too old and tired to play?"



Tomorrow is Friday again, and I have no plans. I have a standing invitation to go with my mom and her friend to an Art Walk in the next town over. She did say that she hoped something more exciting would come up for me, and I love her for that. She's having a good time, I think, watching me continue my search. I sometimes question her regarding the right steps to take, and she she always has ideas about how to proceed. But I end up doing things my way, and sometimes that's good. Other times, however, I find that I should have listened to my mother.

We'll see what happens.

On Older Women Dating

Yes, I'm talking about going out with somebody of the opposite sex, preferably near your age and not married. For the past several years, since my divorce, I have been out with several men, hoping to build another relationship. And I do mean BUILD, as we all carry many burdens with us at this time in our lives. Each person's has positive and negative issues, depending on from whose point of view the evaluation is written from. Seems that we are pretty well set in our ways as we've spent several years perfecting our own particular oddities. Most of us know just what we want, when we want it, and what kind of effort we are willing to expend to get it. We may not be willing to reinvent ourselves, but lots of us have the illusion that for the right person we might be able to make some concessions. We believe we can alter our course just enough to put ourselves in the position to experience things in unfamiliar ways. The fact is though, that most of us are just satisfied enough with our daily life, that unless we match up with the dude, or babe, from the dream we've fostered forever, no real hook up will be made. Maybe I'm different because I've had a head injury, and my memory is not all it used to be. I keep trying, and am willing to make small adjustments in order to have the companionship I long for. As a matter of fact, I was in a two year relationship with a great guy. Turns out, I had caught him on the rebound, and the only reason we had initially gotten together was because I had been proof that he still was able to attract an educated, fairly attractive gal. I did say fairly. Stay tuned!