When I feel the way I do, anything seems possible. I am lonely, but probably because it has been rare, that I've been alone. I had a husband who controlled everything. I wouldn't have had it any differently. It was very neccesary, that everything be in place...proper.
Now, I know now that I must come to terms with myself, before I proceed. That has been told to me. RT has said that I need to do, just that, accept myself;love myself, before I go on. On with my existance, that is. I think I have accepted that challenge.
It is a challange, too. It holds me responsible for what might come next, and I have never held that kind of responsibility, close to my heart. It was always somebody else's call.
We'll see what happens next.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
It Continues
Life continues and doesn't seem to get any easier. I've made phone calls, printed applications etc. It seems others must attest to the fact that I'm "handicapped." My classroom was a pleasent environment today, and I only wish that others could experience that all-emcompassing good feeling that is part of my everyday work. After staying late to prepare for another day, I went to the Tavern. G was there and I knew that would mean an unsolicited, free, adult beverage, so I hobbled in to sit down.
Unlike other times, I had to make the formal drink request and, although he was closing out his tab, he asked the bartender to serve me. He really can be very engaging. We spoke about my situation, and he was encouraging.
My brain, what's left of it (as my brother says,) is spinning, though. It's very hard to keep things straight. I remember what I remember, and I forget the rest, even if I try to write it down. Sometimes I'll say to myself "I need to remember that," and I'll write it down. But, I don't ever have to refer back to my notes. I just remember: who said it, how it was said, what followed, and so forth. Other times I'll think it's not that important and I don't write it down.
Those thoughts and comments are...lost...for...ever! Unless, of coures, the other half of the conversation remembers what has been spoken. And then, for certain, I will not believe anything they have to say!
Head injured people are allowed all sors of quirkiness, that others are not. At least that is what keeps many of us going!
Unlike other times, I had to make the formal drink request and, although he was closing out his tab, he asked the bartender to serve me. He really can be very engaging. We spoke about my situation, and he was encouraging.
My brain, what's left of it (as my brother says,) is spinning, though. It's very hard to keep things straight. I remember what I remember, and I forget the rest, even if I try to write it down. Sometimes I'll say to myself "I need to remember that," and I'll write it down. But, I don't ever have to refer back to my notes. I just remember: who said it, how it was said, what followed, and so forth. Other times I'll think it's not that important and I don't write it down.
Those thoughts and comments are...lost...for...ever! Unless, of coures, the other half of the conversation remembers what has been spoken. And then, for certain, I will not believe anything they have to say!
Head injured people are allowed all sors of quirkiness, that others are not. At least that is what keeps many of us going!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Slow Going
I'm kind of learning may way, slowly, around this complicated entity (BLOGS.) It hasn't been that easy, but when I can make a connection I feel pretty damn good.
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The Veery
It took some convincing but I was allowed to drive, alone, to visit a very old friend at her cabin, the Veery, outside Great Falls. Althou...
